Astronaut who orbited the moon alone wrote an eerie note about becoming a 'marked man' on Earth
The historic moment of the Apollo 11 Moon landing shall always be the mark of achieving a dream. This was the moment when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin became the first humans to step onto the Moon. However, a third member of the crew was circling in orbit while his mates explored the lunar surface, as per Forbes. Because of the circumstances, Michael Collins was named the ‘loneliest man in history.' After the mission, he confided to the world that his solitude in space led him to write a note. This ‘eerie’ scribble was an outpouring from the heart of a man who faced an uncertain future in space.
Collins was the pilot of the command module, Columbia, and he orbited the moon alone in it for 21.5 hours. He became the most isolated man in the world for specifically 48 minutes, when he was alone on the far side of the Moon. Years later, he opened up about his experience and thoughts that were going on in his mind at that time in an interview with 60 Minutes Australia. Collins commented that he felt 'awareness, anticipation, satisfaction, confidence, almost exultation'. He highlighted how being alone was the last thought on his mind in those moments, compared to the anxiety of hearing from Armstrong and Aldrin from the lunar surface.
Since the astronaut was waiting for his crew in the command module, he often did not get the credit for his contribution to the landmark mission. But he emphasized how someone had to stay back and wait for Armstrong and Aldrin's return. Collins orbited the Moon, spotted the lunar module on the surface, and kept up communication with Earth. The silence in the solitude might have forced him to write an odd note to his crewmates. The note was a reflection of the fear he felt in case he had to leave his crew on the moon and return to Earth alone. He wrote that such a circumstance would leave him a ‘marked man' on Earth.
“My secret terror for the last six months has been leaving them on the Moon and returning to Earth alone; now I am within minutes of finding out the truth of the matter,” the note read, as per the Daily Express. "If they fail to rise from the surface or crash back into it, I am not going to commit suicide; I am coming home, forthwith, but I will be a marked man for life, and I know it,” he mentioned. The seclusion on the dark side of the moon could alter one’s brain chemistry, giving birth to eerie thoughts. Despite this, all three astronauts successfully overcame the hazards of the mission.
Collins mentioned in the interview how the team was prepared for various scenarios of danger on the mission. In his capsule, he carried a notebook that mentioned 18 different possibilities and how they could be dealt with to the best of their capability. “I confess that of those 18, there were a couple that I thought were so far out, they would not really ever happen. I’m not sure if I could have handled them; they were very complicated,” he stated. One of his biggest realizations from being in space was that despite being close to the moon, it was nowhere near the beauty of Earth.
He reiterated that the mission was meant for three people and each astronaut did their part perfectly. Reflecting on this experience, he later wrote in his book "Carrying the Fire: An Astronaut’s Journey": “I am alone now, truly alone, and absolutely isolated from any known life. I am it. If a count were taken, the score would be three billion plus two over on the other side of the Moon, and one plus God knows what on this side.” Collins passed away on April 28, 2021, from cancer and left behind a brilliant legacy for people to remember him by.
